I recently noticed that I come with a complete set of catchphrases. Though not one of them is "There's a snake in my boot!" or "How you doin'?", I have quite the collection. People often pick me up on the fact that I use the same expressions or phrases frequently in my day-to-day life, and honestly it flatters me that they would even notice as I probably wouldn't listen to myself talk if I didn't have to.
So this blog entry is basically a list of my 'catchy' catchphrases, the reasons why I use them, and the reasons why you should 'catch' on. (See what I did there?)
#5: Cool story, bro.
Yes, I am one of the many kiwi teenagers who use this expression to shut down lame stories. While it could be seen as a form of undermining, I feel that it eloquently informs a person that their story is really not worth telling again. It is, for that reason, almost a compliment- that the person deserves to know when their story isn't as great as it could be. Also, this catchphrase uses my fave language, Sarcasm, in which I am fluent as my Facebook account states.
#4: Kiddo.
This is my fave name to call people, young or old. I have even been known to call my own parents by this condescending pseudonym. It lets people know that I am in control and power, whilst also adding a friendly 'I-want-to-protect-you' touch to any situation.
#3: Cool Beans.
Adapted from the lol-tastic movie 'Hot Rod', cool beans shows my vast knowledge of comedic media as well as lightening the mood from a potentially upsetting sitch. It is now habit to say this phrase, and many friends whom have not even seen the film have joined me in exclaiming it.
#2: Flip!
I tend not to swear. It shows lack of intelligence and vocabulary. Instead, I use alternative words like this one. Try it. Love it. Crave it. Like the McDonald's kiwi burger. Om nom nom.
#1: True joke!
People often say something mean or bitter, but brush it off by saying 'just kidding' or 'I'm only joking.' More often than not, these people aren't actually kidding or joking. They are dead serious but don't want to appear out of line. So in a situation like this:
Friend/Frenemy: Ooh, you hair's looking a bit crazy today, Grace!
Me: Flip, is it?
Friend/Frenemy: Haha, no. Jokes.
I say:
"TRUE JOKE."
Sorry if this blog entry was a bit cool story bro ish. Flip, it probably was. But hey, you read it! So cool beans, kiddo. Tune in next time, all 12 of my followers. TRUE JOKE.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Procrastination.
Do you remember 'The Amanda Show' when we were kids? If you were born in '92 or later, you should. It was horribly lame and awfully cringe-worthy. Yet I loved every second of it. Amanda Bynes starred on the Nickelodeon show when she was about 12 years old. The show consisted of skits- stupid skits with no deeper meaning than basic slapstick comedy. They made me laugh. I quoted them to (or should I say AT) friends. Most of them, I couldn't remember for the life of me. But one in particular has stayed in my memory my whole life: The Procrastinator.
The Procrastinator wore a red, shiny suit, I believe, and when called upon had the catchphrase:
"I'll do it... eventually!"
I can't completely blame this television show for my extreme procrastination in pretty much all areas of my life. However, that catchphrase does pop into my head on a near-daily basis.
I'll be sitting on my bed with a pile of crumpling clean washing beside me. I'm watching youtube (teenmommy 2010 as of late) and I glance to the side in between videos. I see the clean washing, I see the t-shirt on the top of the pile whose creases are deepening by the second. "I'll do it... eventually!" Back to youtube watching.
I'll be parking my car after hanging with a friend or going to the mall to buy another pair of heels, surrounded by used scratchies and empty Maccas paper bags and coke zero bottles. I need to clean it up. All it takes is going inside and grabbing a plastic bag to put all my rubbish in. And yet: "I'll do it... eventually!" Inside to watch The Office it is.
Ahh, homework assignments. Every uni and high school student's best friend. LOL JK. None of us can stand having to finish something by a specified date, and with such precision as to recieve a decent mark and good feedback. It's stressful as. I'll be chillin' in my room, listening to music or cruising through Facebook, when something will trigger my memory and I'll recall having been given an assignment to do. I lazily flick through my Collin's organiser and realise that, yes, I have to hand in my work by the end of that week. I could do it now, I have nothing else productive to do. But. "I'll do it... eventually!"
I have a worrying feeling that I may well be The Procastinator and just not know it. Like how I sometimes think I might be the star of some reality TV show and have been left unaware to maintain allignment and authenticity. Yeah. I'll figure that out eventually.
The Procrastinator wore a red, shiny suit, I believe, and when called upon had the catchphrase:
"I'll do it... eventually!"
I can't completely blame this television show for my extreme procrastination in pretty much all areas of my life. However, that catchphrase does pop into my head on a near-daily basis.
I'll be sitting on my bed with a pile of crumpling clean washing beside me. I'm watching youtube (teenmommy 2010 as of late) and I glance to the side in between videos. I see the clean washing, I see the t-shirt on the top of the pile whose creases are deepening by the second. "I'll do it... eventually!" Back to youtube watching.
I'll be parking my car after hanging with a friend or going to the mall to buy another pair of heels, surrounded by used scratchies and empty Maccas paper bags and coke zero bottles. I need to clean it up. All it takes is going inside and grabbing a plastic bag to put all my rubbish in. And yet: "I'll do it... eventually!" Inside to watch The Office it is.
Ahh, homework assignments. Every uni and high school student's best friend. LOL JK. None of us can stand having to finish something by a specified date, and with such precision as to recieve a decent mark and good feedback. It's stressful as. I'll be chillin' in my room, listening to music or cruising through Facebook, when something will trigger my memory and I'll recall having been given an assignment to do. I lazily flick through my Collin's organiser and realise that, yes, I have to hand in my work by the end of that week. I could do it now, I have nothing else productive to do. But. "I'll do it... eventually!"
I have a worrying feeling that I may well be The Procastinator and just not know it. Like how I sometimes think I might be the star of some reality TV show and have been left unaware to maintain allignment and authenticity. Yeah. I'll figure that out eventually.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Low-Lifes
About two months ago, I dropped my Pandora bracelet (complete with seven beautiful, sentimental charms) on my way from my car and the bus for university. I don't know if it was stolen by the smoker in the bus shelter or if I dropped it. But either way, it has since been taken and kept slash sold by somebody. I have indeed lost faith in humanity.
This is a quick lesson for you people out there who might read this. Finding something, unless it's say a $2 coin, is a test of your honesty and willingness to be a noble citizen. The person who found my bracelet and kept it for their own good clearly has no concience, or little of one. It literally depresses me to think that I'll never get my charm bracelet back again. Those charms were built up over a period of nearly a year, and while it is possible to rebuild my collection I can't rebuy the love that was attached to them. This is corny, I know. But oh so true!
On a side note, if you see someone wearing a silver Pandora bracelet with an angel, a teddy bear, a cube, a beehive, a sphere with mother-of-pearl hearts, a 'best friends' star and a strawberry charm... Dropkick them and reclaim it for me. Please and thankyou.
This is a quick lesson for you people out there who might read this. Finding something, unless it's say a $2 coin, is a test of your honesty and willingness to be a noble citizen. The person who found my bracelet and kept it for their own good clearly has no concience, or little of one. It literally depresses me to think that I'll never get my charm bracelet back again. Those charms were built up over a period of nearly a year, and while it is possible to rebuild my collection I can't rebuy the love that was attached to them. This is corny, I know. But oh so true!
On a side note, if you see someone wearing a silver Pandora bracelet with an angel, a teddy bear, a cube, a beehive, a sphere with mother-of-pearl hearts, a 'best friends' star and a strawberry charm... Dropkick them and reclaim it for me. Please and thankyou.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Organisation.
I used to think that organisation was overrated. After all, what's the point of making your bed if all you're gonna do is get back in at the end of the day and mess it up again? Wouldn't it be altogether more practical to just leave it be and snuggle down into the pre-made indents? This was the philosophy I lived by. I myself do have some OCD preferences:
-The volume must be on an even number or a multiple of five. But don't worry for my safety, people, my car doesn't show numbers so isn't a distraction while I drive. Worry averted.
- My fingernails must be all the same length and no dirt can be underneath them. That is gross and gives people a mental image of you digging in soil.
- My hands must be washed thoroughly before I eat, after I use the bathroom, and before I wash my face or put on make-up.
- I restart my mascara if two lashes are flicking in different directions.
HOWEVER, despite this long list of weirdo traits, having a tidy room- while it was a treat- was not a necessity for me. Having a neat bed with the teddies all laid out perfectly in height order was a waste of precious hair-doing or breakfast-eating time. Then I became best friends with a total perfectionist. When Miss.Katy stays the night at my house, she makes my bed in the morning whenever she gets the chance. She folds her clothes and puts them in her bag. She wears matching pajamas. I feel a little bit happy inside when she forgets to bring her toothbrush every now and again. She introduced me to a new way of life. It took a while, I'm not gonna lie about that. But now I do prefer to make my bed and have tidy surroundings. It makes me happy to wake up in the morning knowing that I don't have to battle my way to the door for a shower.
Today I organised my bedside table. It consists of 6 drawers that were previously filled with crap. Not literally, of course. That's foul. I wouldn't put it past my brother but I'm better raised than he is. Somehow. It's now pretty and sorted into sections. And I love it. I have a drawer for all my school stuff, a section for old journals, a section for church stuff, a section for my music books- It's all very exciting and new and I don't have to spend hours searching for what I need. I look forward to opening my drawers. Is that lame? Yeah. It is. Is that gonna be taken the wrong way by dirty-minded people reading this? Yeah. It is.
My bed is made. And it's surprisingly more inviting. My carpet is clear and there are no hazards when I'm walking around. My wardrobe is neat and I don't look like a bag of laundry every day. Well. Less so than usual. And I found matches for two single shoes. Give it a go! Only good can come from organisation.
Unless you're organising a murder. Or CDs alphabetically. So tedious.
-The volume must be on an even number or a multiple of five. But don't worry for my safety, people, my car doesn't show numbers so isn't a distraction while I drive. Worry averted.
- My fingernails must be all the same length and no dirt can be underneath them. That is gross and gives people a mental image of you digging in soil.
- My hands must be washed thoroughly before I eat, after I use the bathroom, and before I wash my face or put on make-up.
- I restart my mascara if two lashes are flicking in different directions.
HOWEVER, despite this long list of weirdo traits, having a tidy room- while it was a treat- was not a necessity for me. Having a neat bed with the teddies all laid out perfectly in height order was a waste of precious hair-doing or breakfast-eating time. Then I became best friends with a total perfectionist. When Miss.Katy stays the night at my house, she makes my bed in the morning whenever she gets the chance. She folds her clothes and puts them in her bag. She wears matching pajamas. I feel a little bit happy inside when she forgets to bring her toothbrush every now and again. She introduced me to a new way of life. It took a while, I'm not gonna lie about that. But now I do prefer to make my bed and have tidy surroundings. It makes me happy to wake up in the morning knowing that I don't have to battle my way to the door for a shower.
Today I organised my bedside table. It consists of 6 drawers that were previously filled with crap. Not literally, of course. That's foul. I wouldn't put it past my brother but I'm better raised than he is. Somehow. It's now pretty and sorted into sections. And I love it. I have a drawer for all my school stuff, a section for old journals, a section for church stuff, a section for my music books- It's all very exciting and new and I don't have to spend hours searching for what I need. I look forward to opening my drawers. Is that lame? Yeah. It is. Is that gonna be taken the wrong way by dirty-minded people reading this? Yeah. It is.
My bed is made. And it's surprisingly more inviting. My carpet is clear and there are no hazards when I'm walking around. My wardrobe is neat and I don't look like a bag of laundry every day. Well. Less so than usual. And I found matches for two single shoes. Give it a go! Only good can come from organisation.
Unless you're organising a murder. Or CDs alphabetically. So tedious.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
RT: How to successfully Facebook stalk.
This was originally posted as a note on Facebook.. It's some of my early blog-style work. If you have a good 10 minutes, go ahead and indulge.
1. Do not facebook stalk only one individual. Vary your stalking between gender, school and even race where possible.
2. Do not limit yourself to only your friends. Friends of friends are also acceptable, as well as total strangers if you become a professionalised facebook stalker.
3. Take plenty of time to stalk. This sport cannot be rushed.
4. Do not decide who to stalk based only on the display picture of that person. Often, girls especially, look nothing like their dp and therefore, false advertising lures in the stalker. This leads to severe disappointment when the stalkee is actually rank. Beware.
5. Do not comment or like any photos. This goes particularly for when a photo is in the middle of an album. You must be untracable, and you don't want to ignite an awkward flame for when you next see each other in person.
6. When jumping from one profile to another using links, always right click the name and select 'open in new tab'. This way, if the person is boring, you can go back to the original profile and continue your search down their wall.
7. Where possible, tell friends via chat that you are 'just fb stalking atm.' This will make them think you're having a laugh, and you will not be under speculation.
8. Do not text cellphone numbers on anyone's page. That is just creepy.
9. If in mid-stalk you realise you know your victim from school or work, feel free to add them as a friend. However, only do so after a thorough stalk-check has been carried out and you are sure that you wish to reconnect with that person.
10. When stalking general people (not close friends) who you see on a regular basis, try not to take any mental note of the funny things that they say on their wall. If you refer to that humrous quotation in conversation, they will know you have been stalking. This is not something you want.
11. If you find yourself looking at the same person's profile daily, limit yourself to one hit a week. There is a difference between light stalking and obsessing.
12. If you feel it necessary, delete your browsing history after a stalk session.
13. Resist the urge to comment on lame statuses.
14. If you find funny a group that your stalk victim has 'liked', feel free to like it. However, be sure not to like the fact that they liked it. This is a rookie mistake.
15. Remember to check the live feed before beginning a session. This way, you can surf to see if anything catches your eye from your actual fb friends. Go from there!
16. If you discover that a total stranger has a friend in common with you, do NOT ask that friend how they know that hottie 'Brian'. This could make things awkward, and render your motives questionable.
17. If you're wanting to see what a person looks like, do not click on their picture. This will show their profile pictures, the best of the best pictures that they have of themselves.
18. Look through the 'photos of____' folder. In these pictures, you can see what the person truly looks like. The photos will have been taken when the stalkee was unprepared and caught offguard.
19. Also handily found in the 'photos of _____' folder are the friendship tag photos. In these photos, there are titles such as 'social butterfly' and 'the lame one'. This picture will tell you about the stalk victim's personality and how others see them. If the person is tagged as 'the playa' then you'll know to avoid at all costs.
20. Unless you know the person, it is pointless looking through albums named 'BACK IN THE DAY' and such. You don't want to know who you would have been dealing with 5 years ago. You want to know who they are NOW.
21. Always look at the family photo album on a person's profile. By stalking this album, you can evaluate the decency of the person's gene pool, therefore deciding further if your kids will be hotties or notties.
22. When stalking a guy, look at his friends list and decide if the majority of his fb friends are guys or girls that look like smokers. If they're mostly guys, he loves his boys and likes to have a good time socially. If they're uggs chicks with tattoos, he loves his women Amy Winehouse-esque and you're not the one for him.
23. When stalking a girl, scroll through her statuses. If they say mainly 'I hate my life' and 'kill me, someone' then best leave her alone. If they're bubbly and cute, continue the prowl.
24. Check 'likes in common' with your stalkee. If there are over 10, there may be some potential chemistry. If there are less than 2, don't bother.
25. Be aware of girls/guys who are friends with both of their parents on fb. Their decision to be fb friends with their oldies can mean one of two things: they were hacked, or they have a loving family. Numero two is GOOOOD.
26. People who have a massive list of brothers and sisters who are clearly not their siblings because it is motherly impossible, are either attention seeking brats, or popular attention seeking brats. Steer clear, big Tuna. Head for open waters.
27. People who are clearly on fb a lot either have no life or not much of one. They can be good cyber pals because of their dedication to the site.
28. If a person has more than an average of 6 likes on any status or shared link, they are easy to get along with.
29. Never add a personal message to friend invites if you were stalking them. Just hope for the best.
30. Don't accept friend requests if the person has been stalking you. You can tell this because they have added a personal message like 'Hey, saw you on here and thought you were a piece of alright'. AWKWARD MUCH.
1. Do not facebook stalk only one individual. Vary your stalking between gender, school and even race where possible.
2. Do not limit yourself to only your friends. Friends of friends are also acceptable, as well as total strangers if you become a professionalised facebook stalker.
3. Take plenty of time to stalk. This sport cannot be rushed.
4. Do not decide who to stalk based only on the display picture of that person. Often, girls especially, look nothing like their dp and therefore, false advertising lures in the stalker. This leads to severe disappointment when the stalkee is actually rank. Beware.
5. Do not comment or like any photos. This goes particularly for when a photo is in the middle of an album. You must be untracable, and you don't want to ignite an awkward flame for when you next see each other in person.
6. When jumping from one profile to another using links, always right click the name and select 'open in new tab'. This way, if the person is boring, you can go back to the original profile and continue your search down their wall.
7. Where possible, tell friends via chat that you are 'just fb stalking atm.' This will make them think you're having a laugh, and you will not be under speculation.
8. Do not text cellphone numbers on anyone's page. That is just creepy.
9. If in mid-stalk you realise you know your victim from school or work, feel free to add them as a friend. However, only do so after a thorough stalk-check has been carried out and you are sure that you wish to reconnect with that person.
10. When stalking general people (not close friends) who you see on a regular basis, try not to take any mental note of the funny things that they say on their wall. If you refer to that humrous quotation in conversation, they will know you have been stalking. This is not something you want.
11. If you find yourself looking at the same person's profile daily, limit yourself to one hit a week. There is a difference between light stalking and obsessing.
12. If you feel it necessary, delete your browsing history after a stalk session.
13. Resist the urge to comment on lame statuses.
14. If you find funny a group that your stalk victim has 'liked', feel free to like it. However, be sure not to like the fact that they liked it. This is a rookie mistake.
15. Remember to check the live feed before beginning a session. This way, you can surf to see if anything catches your eye from your actual fb friends. Go from there!
16. If you discover that a total stranger has a friend in common with you, do NOT ask that friend how they know that hottie 'Brian'. This could make things awkward, and render your motives questionable.
17. If you're wanting to see what a person looks like, do not click on their picture. This will show their profile pictures, the best of the best pictures that they have of themselves.
18. Look through the 'photos of____' folder. In these pictures, you can see what the person truly looks like. The photos will have been taken when the stalkee was unprepared and caught offguard.
19. Also handily found in the 'photos of _____' folder are the friendship tag photos. In these photos, there are titles such as 'social butterfly' and 'the lame one'. This picture will tell you about the stalk victim's personality and how others see them. If the person is tagged as 'the playa' then you'll know to avoid at all costs.
20. Unless you know the person, it is pointless looking through albums named 'BACK IN THE DAY' and such. You don't want to know who you would have been dealing with 5 years ago. You want to know who they are NOW.
21. Always look at the family photo album on a person's profile. By stalking this album, you can evaluate the decency of the person's gene pool, therefore deciding further if your kids will be hotties or notties.
22. When stalking a guy, look at his friends list and decide if the majority of his fb friends are guys or girls that look like smokers. If they're mostly guys, he loves his boys and likes to have a good time socially. If they're uggs chicks with tattoos, he loves his women Amy Winehouse-esque and you're not the one for him.
23. When stalking a girl, scroll through her statuses. If they say mainly 'I hate my life' and 'kill me, someone' then best leave her alone. If they're bubbly and cute, continue the prowl.
24. Check 'likes in common' with your stalkee. If there are over 10, there may be some potential chemistry. If there are less than 2, don't bother.
25. Be aware of girls/guys who are friends with both of their parents on fb. Their decision to be fb friends with their oldies can mean one of two things: they were hacked, or they have a loving family. Numero two is GOOOOD.
26. People who have a massive list of brothers and sisters who are clearly not their siblings because it is motherly impossible, are either attention seeking brats, or popular attention seeking brats. Steer clear, big Tuna. Head for open waters.
27. People who are clearly on fb a lot either have no life or not much of one. They can be good cyber pals because of their dedication to the site.
28. If a person has more than an average of 6 likes on any status or shared link, they are easy to get along with.
29. Never add a personal message to friend invites if you were stalking them. Just hope for the best.
30. Don't accept friend requests if the person has been stalking you. You can tell this because they have added a personal message like 'Hey, saw you on here and thought you were a piece of alright'. AWKWARD MUCH.
I've started using Twitter. Upon doing so, I was congratulated by a friend for having supposedly "grown up." I asked her to elaborate on her fairly condescending comment. She said that Facebook was going the way of Bebo. People go through a year-long phase of loving it, then before you know it everyone's moved on to the 'next big thing'. Which my friend seems to think is Twitter. It is true that in terms of Facebook, I'm rather over it. It's lost its appeal. Honestly, I have absolutely NO idea how I used to spend hours browsing that site. Other than for Farmville (yes, I was one of those people) it is unclear what could use up so much of my time. It boggles my mind.
These days I hop on Facebook once a day, twice a day maximum. I have a very quick browse of my live feed, say "Happy birthday x" to my loserish friends, reply to any wall posts, maybe throw up a status or change my dp- Then I'm off! Flash back about 2 years, and I would go online for hours at a time. I would dilligently study the live feed, comment wherever I felt my comment was needed, browse through friends' photo albums, stalk good looking guys, stalk good looking girls if I was especially bored, add anyone who I'd ever so much as walked past in my life, mail secrets to friends, chat to acquaintances.. The list goes on. How on Earth did I not get bored outta my mind?
Some aspects of Facebook are still cool and appealing to me. I like the new chat, regardless of what others are complaining about. It's faster and clearer and better. I like that you can 'like' things, whether that be photographs or statuses or people's comments. I like that you can keep in contact with people on the other side of the world. I like that I've used the word 'like' six times in this paragraph.
Twitter is hard to get used to. At first, I saw 'RT' and thought it might mean 'Reckless Thomas' or 'Raining Trains' or 'Rooftop Telescope'. But no, geniuses of the world, it means 'Retweet', and is used when you like what someone else has said and want to put it out again. Then there's the 'hashtags'. When you want to put a thought out under a heading, you do so by placing a hash symbol (aka #) before the keyword that sums up your tweet. For example:
Ugh, I don't wanna get outta bed! #ihatemondays
I just met Paul Henry.. #controversy #racistdouche
First day of my new job today #nerves
I'm glad I've "grown up". Twitter is fun. And I feel closer to Kim Kardashian than ever before.
I hope I have enlightened you a little, all four of my followers. MAKE A BLOGGER ACCOUNT AND FOLLOW ME. I'm not desperate. Peace out!
These days I hop on Facebook once a day, twice a day maximum. I have a very quick browse of my live feed, say "Happy birthday x" to my loserish friends, reply to any wall posts, maybe throw up a status or change my dp- Then I'm off! Flash back about 2 years, and I would go online for hours at a time. I would dilligently study the live feed, comment wherever I felt my comment was needed, browse through friends' photo albums, stalk good looking guys, stalk good looking girls if I was especially bored, add anyone who I'd ever so much as walked past in my life, mail secrets to friends, chat to acquaintances.. The list goes on. How on Earth did I not get bored outta my mind?
Some aspects of Facebook are still cool and appealing to me. I like the new chat, regardless of what others are complaining about. It's faster and clearer and better. I like that you can 'like' things, whether that be photographs or statuses or people's comments. I like that you can keep in contact with people on the other side of the world. I like that I've used the word 'like' six times in this paragraph.
Twitter is hard to get used to. At first, I saw 'RT' and thought it might mean 'Reckless Thomas' or 'Raining Trains' or 'Rooftop Telescope'. But no, geniuses of the world, it means 'Retweet', and is used when you like what someone else has said and want to put it out again. Then there's the 'hashtags'. When you want to put a thought out under a heading, you do so by placing a hash symbol (aka #) before the keyword that sums up your tweet. For example:
Ugh, I don't wanna get outta bed! #ihatemondays
I just met Paul Henry.. #controversy #racistdouche
First day of my new job today #nerves
I'm glad I've "grown up". Twitter is fun. And I feel closer to Kim Kardashian than ever before.
I hope I have enlightened you a little, all four of my followers. MAKE A BLOGGER ACCOUNT AND FOLLOW ME. I'm not desperate. Peace out!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Internet Fame
The title of this blog entry may well seem like an oxymoron. Is there really such a thing as being FAMOUS on the INTERNET. Some might attempt to debate this, but the answer is yes, there is. I myself am not famous on the internet. I have 4 official followers, and my mother often reads my entries. Or I force her to listen to me read my entries. But currently I am somewhat addicted to a 'youtube celebrity' names Natalie Tran. She has a channel called 'communitychannel', where she posts various videos (over 200 of them to date) based on the random things that she notices in her everyday life. Things like:
-Killing a spider, and then worrying that the spider's family will seek revenge.
-The way people try to casually look over their shoulder when someone says "Don't look now but...".
-The awkwardness of sharing your umbrella with a stranger in rainy weather.
-The way everytime someone is reported dead on telly, the neighbours refer to the victim as "such a nice girl!"
I think part of the reason that I allign so well with her is the fact that we share a lot of the same ideas and, like me, she is kinda obsessed with cleanliness, germs, and the behaviours of others. As far as I'm concerned, Natalie is famous on the internet. She is proof of its possibility. She notices things that not many other people would notice, things that make you think "Oh my goodness, yes! People so do that!" Internet fame is indeed an option. It's surely hard, and has its downsides, but to me it seems like a good place to be. Eventually, and on youtube especially, your ideas and videos are agreed with and watched so often that you are able to make money off of it. Win.
Other youtubers to check out who I consider internet-famous:
Ryan Higa (nigahiga)
Kevin Wu (KevJumba & JumbaFund)
Shay Carl and family (SHAYTARDS)
... This list may be revised as my life continues. So watch this space. Also I am vaguely considering making a youtube channel. But hey, that's unlikely to happen and my chance of being internet famous is extremely low. I just don't have the hair for it.
-Killing a spider, and then worrying that the spider's family will seek revenge.
-The way people try to casually look over their shoulder when someone says "Don't look now but...".
-The awkwardness of sharing your umbrella with a stranger in rainy weather.
-The way everytime someone is reported dead on telly, the neighbours refer to the victim as "such a nice girl!"
I think part of the reason that I allign so well with her is the fact that we share a lot of the same ideas and, like me, she is kinda obsessed with cleanliness, germs, and the behaviours of others. As far as I'm concerned, Natalie is famous on the internet. She is proof of its possibility. She notices things that not many other people would notice, things that make you think "Oh my goodness, yes! People so do that!" Internet fame is indeed an option. It's surely hard, and has its downsides, but to me it seems like a good place to be. Eventually, and on youtube especially, your ideas and videos are agreed with and watched so often that you are able to make money off of it. Win.
Other youtubers to check out who I consider internet-famous:
Ryan Higa (nigahiga)
Kevin Wu (KevJumba & JumbaFund)
Shay Carl and family (SHAYTARDS)
... This list may be revised as my life continues. So watch this space. Also I am vaguely considering making a youtube channel. But hey, that's unlikely to happen and my chance of being internet famous is extremely low. I just don't have the hair for it.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Ditherers
To dither is to pause unnecessarily in a situation where others would prefer you rushed.
The above definition wasn't taken from a dictionary, though I can see why one might assume so. I wrote it myself. Impressed? You should be. My mother is very intolerant of these people who dither, people otherwise refered to in the Pattie household as 'ditherers'. It's those people who take their sweet time comparing tuna brands in the supermarket whilst blocking you and three other trolleys from briskly browsing the aisles and selecting anything you can grab at that might get eaten. It's these people who spend their time folding napkins dilligently and neatly as opposed to setting out the acutal cutlery at an event. It's these people who get in the way, and sometimes walk funny.
I have at times found myself dithering. Working as a checkout chick, it's easy to dither. There's a hole in a bag of icing sugar and you're just not switched on today. So instead of doing the normal thing and swooping it into a bag and calling a grocery boy over the intercom to come and replace it, you find that you're instead watching the sugar pour and thinking about how the hole might've got there to start with. Yes. You're dithering. You realise this and snap out of it, but it's already too late. You dithered, and the customer saw you dither.
What would your mother say?
The above definition wasn't taken from a dictionary, though I can see why one might assume so. I wrote it myself. Impressed? You should be. My mother is very intolerant of these people who dither, people otherwise refered to in the Pattie household as 'ditherers'. It's those people who take their sweet time comparing tuna brands in the supermarket whilst blocking you and three other trolleys from briskly browsing the aisles and selecting anything you can grab at that might get eaten. It's these people who spend their time folding napkins dilligently and neatly as opposed to setting out the acutal cutlery at an event. It's these people who get in the way, and sometimes walk funny.
I have at times found myself dithering. Working as a checkout chick, it's easy to dither. There's a hole in a bag of icing sugar and you're just not switched on today. So instead of doing the normal thing and swooping it into a bag and calling a grocery boy over the intercom to come and replace it, you find that you're instead watching the sugar pour and thinking about how the hole might've got there to start with. Yes. You're dithering. You realise this and snap out of it, but it's already too late. You dithered, and the customer saw you dither.
What would your mother say?
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Status Updates
Some people have an inability to filter information in their heads. They can't decide what needs to be said on a public forum, and what should just be kept inside their mind grapes.
I had a facebook friend (note 'had'- past tense) who would constantly write status updates, using the innocence of facebook to tweet. This is a breif, and possibly slightly exaggerated, example of her status updates over the course of just 2 hours on an average weekday:
9.23am OMG I had such a weird dream!
9.25am Off to have a shower now :)
9.34am Refreshed and ready for my big day..
9.46am Breakfast with @Kane Thomas
9.55am Ugh, eggs taking forever!! Can't get decent service these days.
10.04am Yumm! Worth the wait :D
10.17am Don't want to go to my uni lecture..
10.22am Can someone give me a ride to my uni lecture?
You get the idea.
You'd think that when NOBODY comments on or likes your status, you'd pick up on the vibes that no-one is in any way interested in what you have to say. It's these kinds of statuses also that make everyone wants to post rude and sarcastic comments, such as 'Cool story bro' or 'How riveting!'. It is quite possible that I am the only person bitchy and harsh enough to actually follow through and publish these comments. So before defriending this reject who has no self-awareness, I liked every status down her page and commented on each one individually. Boo-yah.
Status updates, to me, are something to be kept sacred. Unless you have something either hilariously witty or of public interest to say, shut the heck up! Read it over before you hit post. If it doesn't make you smile or excited to share with the world, delete it and just text it to a friend. Simple. Your friends don't need a play-by-play of everything in your day. So keep statuses far and few between, with humour where possible and as little tags to individuals as possible. This is another way of deflecting people off reading (and potentially liking) your status. If you've tagged a bunch of your friends, even if the status itself is funny, outsiders will not want to like it in case they look like they're trying too hard or trying to get in on the action.
I am a wealth of knowledge.
I had a facebook friend (note 'had'- past tense) who would constantly write status updates, using the innocence of facebook to tweet. This is a breif, and possibly slightly exaggerated, example of her status updates over the course of just 2 hours on an average weekday:
9.23am OMG I had such a weird dream!
9.25am Off to have a shower now :)
9.34am Refreshed and ready for my big day..
9.46am Breakfast with @Kane Thomas
9.55am Ugh, eggs taking forever!! Can't get decent service these days.
10.04am Yumm! Worth the wait :D
10.17am Don't want to go to my uni lecture..
10.22am Can someone give me a ride to my uni lecture?
You get the idea.
You'd think that when NOBODY comments on or likes your status, you'd pick up on the vibes that no-one is in any way interested in what you have to say. It's these kinds of statuses also that make everyone wants to post rude and sarcastic comments, such as 'Cool story bro' or 'How riveting!'. It is quite possible that I am the only person bitchy and harsh enough to actually follow through and publish these comments. So before defriending this reject who has no self-awareness, I liked every status down her page and commented on each one individually. Boo-yah.
Status updates, to me, are something to be kept sacred. Unless you have something either hilariously witty or of public interest to say, shut the heck up! Read it over before you hit post. If it doesn't make you smile or excited to share with the world, delete it and just text it to a friend. Simple. Your friends don't need a play-by-play of everything in your day. So keep statuses far and few between, with humour where possible and as little tags to individuals as possible. This is another way of deflecting people off reading (and potentially liking) your status. If you've tagged a bunch of your friends, even if the status itself is funny, outsiders will not want to like it in case they look like they're trying too hard or trying to get in on the action.
I am a wealth of knowledge.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The Wheels On The Bus :)
So I live over the bridge, and am therefore forced to commute to uni on a daily basis. The trip takes approximately 74 minutes. I find it funny how, when getting onto the bus, everybody sits on a window seat by themselves. Nobody ever makes a friend and sits by someone they don't know.
What an antisocial world we live in.
In saying that, however, I don't appreciate strange-smelling people sitting by me. And generally, after waking up for my run at 6am, I'm not in the mood for making new friends. Or having people try to commuicate with me at all for that matter.
But, the bus is a good place to seek out hotties or notties. I have a slight obsession with the song Tonight (I'm Lovin' You) by the delicious Enrique. I have a theory that one morning on the bus, just as the awesome beats of the chorus start to kick in on this song, I will make eye contact with a total babe. For once, the lyrics of this song might finally be relevant to my life.. Okay I should NOT have just confessed that to goodness knows who online. But I have like one follower anyway, so nothing to lose.
Bottom line: If you're hot, look at me on the bus so I can make eye contact with you and have my weird Enrique fantasy come true.
This blog was pointless.
COOL STORY BRO.
What an antisocial world we live in.
In saying that, however, I don't appreciate strange-smelling people sitting by me. And generally, after waking up for my run at 6am, I'm not in the mood for making new friends. Or having people try to commuicate with me at all for that matter.
But, the bus is a good place to seek out hotties or notties. I have a slight obsession with the song Tonight (I'm Lovin' You) by the delicious Enrique. I have a theory that one morning on the bus, just as the awesome beats of the chorus start to kick in on this song, I will make eye contact with a total babe. For once, the lyrics of this song might finally be relevant to my life.. Okay I should NOT have just confessed that to goodness knows who online. But I have like one follower anyway, so nothing to lose.
Bottom line: If you're hot, look at me on the bus so I can make eye contact with you and have my weird Enrique fantasy come true.
This blog was pointless.
COOL STORY BRO.
Friday, March 4, 2011
That really wasn't funny. But you're cute.
I currently have several crushes on several guys across several of my university classes. The main thread that I've found links them all together in my girlish imagination is the fact that they are interested in the same thing as me: writing. One of these blokes in particular is really into books. He mentioned in a class that he is always reading a book at any given time, and when asked to talk about his current fix, launched into a delcious discussion about use of metaphor and how beautifully the writer creates an atmosphere. I felt a bit flustered by this point.
But then, seemingly out of nowhere, he did the unthinkable. He made a joke. And it was not funny.
I love funny guys. In fact, I've been known to date a guy JUST based on his sense of humour. Like Timmy, for example. Okay names have been changed. No-one in today's world is called Timmy unless they're the star of Nickelodeon's 'Fairly Odd Parents.' Timmy wasn't the most delicious-looking grape in the bunch. But his biting wit and belly-wobbling humour made me see him in a whole new light.. Of course, eventually lack of attractiveness becomes an issue. He wanted to kiss me. I just wanted him to tell me another joke.
So this guy in one of my classes. We'll call him Jonas. Partly because I don't want to use his actual name in case at some point in time he reads this. Partly because I don't yet know his name. Jonas cracked a dry one and the spell was broken. Ugh, and grow up, by cracked a dry one I do NOT mean that he passed wind. Despite his dashing good looks, and his ability to speak in English-based terms, his unfunniness was a painful reminder that I can't get the best of everything. I have to make do.
Perhaps, at some point in the imagined future, Jonas and I will have a chance to talk one-on-one and not just in a classroom situation. Maybe he is actually a budding comedian and just felt that making everyone erupt into fits of laughter during a lecture would be inappropriate. Yeah.
So what've we got:
He's hot. As.
He's smart.
He's into reading.
He's well-dressed.
He's a budding comedian with a respect for basic etiquette and class rules.
Now to find out his name!
But then, seemingly out of nowhere, he did the unthinkable. He made a joke. And it was not funny.
I love funny guys. In fact, I've been known to date a guy JUST based on his sense of humour. Like Timmy, for example. Okay names have been changed. No-one in today's world is called Timmy unless they're the star of Nickelodeon's 'Fairly Odd Parents.' Timmy wasn't the most delicious-looking grape in the bunch. But his biting wit and belly-wobbling humour made me see him in a whole new light.. Of course, eventually lack of attractiveness becomes an issue. He wanted to kiss me. I just wanted him to tell me another joke.
So this guy in one of my classes. We'll call him Jonas. Partly because I don't want to use his actual name in case at some point in time he reads this. Partly because I don't yet know his name. Jonas cracked a dry one and the spell was broken. Ugh, and grow up, by cracked a dry one I do NOT mean that he passed wind. Despite his dashing good looks, and his ability to speak in English-based terms, his unfunniness was a painful reminder that I can't get the best of everything. I have to make do.
Perhaps, at some point in the imagined future, Jonas and I will have a chance to talk one-on-one and not just in a classroom situation. Maybe he is actually a budding comedian and just felt that making everyone erupt into fits of laughter during a lecture would be inappropriate. Yeah.
So what've we got:
He's hot. As.
He's smart.
He's into reading.
He's well-dressed.
He's a budding comedian with a respect for basic etiquette and class rules.
Now to find out his name!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Kill me now.
A friend of mine recently told me that I constantly over-exaggerate. At first I was upset by this statement, and felt like it was something of a personal attack. But ever since they said this, it's made me realise how often I really do exaggerate things just in every day life.
For example.
On Christmas Day, I got texts from several friends asking what I got. I told them 'Aww, heaps!' I say 'heaps' frequently. But when you think about it, the literal meaning of 'heaps' brings to the imagination a picture of a heap of rubbish at a refuse dump. That's a lot of rubbish. That's a heap of rubbish. A large amount. My gifts last Christmas would barely fill half a bin bag, let alone a rubbish HEAP.
About a week ago I told a work collegue that I owned 3 pairs of Mi Piaci shoes. Now, this one was a cross between a lie and an over-exaggeration. I have 1 pair of Mi Piaci shoes. And I got them second hand at an opshop in Browns Bay. So they may well be either fake or so overused that they are no longer considered designer.
Yesterday, I stumbled on the street as I was walking to the bus stop from my second uni lecture of the year. As soon as this happened, I instinctively called out "UGH, kill me now!". The friend who I was walking with said nothing, but the ever-present voice in my head said: "Yeah, Grace. You're overexaggerating again." Of course I didn't actually want someone to hop out of a shop with a knife and stab me viciously in the chest. That would be more uncool than my previous trip in the middle of a busy street.
This morning I got up late and, upon realising that I was gonna be late for a movie date with a good friend (with romantic past, yes) I announced that I hated my life. I do not hate my life. My life is amazing and I wouldn't trade it in for the world. Okay, that was another exaggeration. Of course I would. I mean, the world! The WORLD!! That's a pretty big deal. I'd take it. Fo' Sho'.
So don't get me wrong, this blog isn't me making a resolution to stop over-exaggerating. Because in all honesty, I like the freedom of exaggeration. It makes stories more exciting, and my blonde-teenager image obvious. Plus it has a tendency to draw attention to me. And let's face it; I love that. Heaps.
For example.
On Christmas Day, I got texts from several friends asking what I got. I told them 'Aww, heaps!' I say 'heaps' frequently. But when you think about it, the literal meaning of 'heaps' brings to the imagination a picture of a heap of rubbish at a refuse dump. That's a lot of rubbish. That's a heap of rubbish. A large amount. My gifts last Christmas would barely fill half a bin bag, let alone a rubbish HEAP.
About a week ago I told a work collegue that I owned 3 pairs of Mi Piaci shoes. Now, this one was a cross between a lie and an over-exaggeration. I have 1 pair of Mi Piaci shoes. And I got them second hand at an opshop in Browns Bay. So they may well be either fake or so overused that they are no longer considered designer.
Yesterday, I stumbled on the street as I was walking to the bus stop from my second uni lecture of the year. As soon as this happened, I instinctively called out "UGH, kill me now!". The friend who I was walking with said nothing, but the ever-present voice in my head said: "Yeah, Grace. You're overexaggerating again." Of course I didn't actually want someone to hop out of a shop with a knife and stab me viciously in the chest. That would be more uncool than my previous trip in the middle of a busy street.
This morning I got up late and, upon realising that I was gonna be late for a movie date with a good friend (with romantic past, yes) I announced that I hated my life. I do not hate my life. My life is amazing and I wouldn't trade it in for the world. Okay, that was another exaggeration. Of course I would. I mean, the world! The WORLD!! That's a pretty big deal. I'd take it. Fo' Sho'.
So don't get me wrong, this blog isn't me making a resolution to stop over-exaggerating. Because in all honesty, I like the freedom of exaggeration. It makes stories more exciting, and my blonde-teenager image obvious. Plus it has a tendency to draw attention to me. And let's face it; I love that. Heaps.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Relationships.
I am 18. I have only ever been in one relationship. Not only did it last for a reasonably long time, but also resulted in bitter heartache. Typical.
I assume that most people's first loves are crappy. However, being the awesome loser that I am, I figured things might be different for me. I made a real effort in our relationship. I baked cupcakes and even cookies on occasion. I bought him awesome t-shirts. And I give the best hugs in the world. Not to toot my own clarinet or anything, but I really do.
So we broke up because I got sick of him being overprotective and possessive. For the first few weeks, his jealousy was both adorable and flattering. It was no longer than 6 months before it caused me extreme emotional pain and irritation.
Taylor Swift has 2 albums currently. There is not an aspect of relationships that this girl doesn't cover. She's got everything from being so in love that you can't see straight, to breaking up because he cheated; breaking up because you felt it was time to move on; regretting the decision to move on, and then on the flipside glorying in your ability to move on and find better; missing the relationship where you fought constanly; someone else stealing your man..
I wanna be friends with Tay Swizzle. She'd give fantastic adivce.
Or break into song and bug the crap outta me.
Or maybe she's actually a total bee with an itch. That'd sure explain why she HAS so many exes to sing about.
Meh. Relationships.
And yet we want one, don't we? Yesss.
I assume that most people's first loves are crappy. However, being the awesome loser that I am, I figured things might be different for me. I made a real effort in our relationship. I baked cupcakes and even cookies on occasion. I bought him awesome t-shirts. And I give the best hugs in the world. Not to toot my own clarinet or anything, but I really do.
So we broke up because I got sick of him being overprotective and possessive. For the first few weeks, his jealousy was both adorable and flattering. It was no longer than 6 months before it caused me extreme emotional pain and irritation.
Taylor Swift has 2 albums currently. There is not an aspect of relationships that this girl doesn't cover. She's got everything from being so in love that you can't see straight, to breaking up because he cheated; breaking up because you felt it was time to move on; regretting the decision to move on, and then on the flipside glorying in your ability to move on and find better; missing the relationship where you fought constanly; someone else stealing your man..
I wanna be friends with Tay Swizzle. She'd give fantastic adivce.
Or break into song and bug the crap outta me.
Or maybe she's actually a total bee with an itch. That'd sure explain why she HAS so many exes to sing about.
Meh. Relationships.
And yet we want one, don't we? Yesss.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)